Tag Archives: trapeze

Flying

16 May

There is a moment of absolute freedom when you let go. “Hep!” – that signal to jump off the platform is also a signal to let go. And a mere second or two, in trapeze, makes a big difference between success and failure.

It is the same with life – though the seconds may stretch into minutes, hours or even days. It is when we let go that things happen. That’s how D. and I got married. I did not even have time to think, as in, we got married within less than two months of dating.

That’s how we started the company, no buts, no ifs – we just did it. That’s how I learned all the technical things that is involved in a software startup – by going through a tutorial in a matter of hours and just start writing. D. doesn’t like it when I say I don’t really do anything technical – in my mind, if I can understand databases, web frameworks, back end vs. front end, write HTML in Jade; then it’s not really technical because if it’s technical, I shouldn’t be able to understand it, right?

But then, I tend to over-think a lot of things. I over-plan. I over-prepare. It makes for smooth endings (I think), but the ride is too bumpy, too stressful. I shine the most when I’m given a definitive timeline, or when I don’t care too much of the outcome. Otherwise, I choke. There are exceptions but at the moment, they elude me.

They gave us maybe an equivalent of 5 minutes of instruction. That’s how I managed to jump off that platform, feel the rush of air on my face, my heart drop to my stomach, let go of the bar and have somebody catch me – because I didn’t really plan on having somebody catch me. Sure, I was nervous but there’s not too much to think about, what can you process about something you have no idea about, with only three instructions of: “Hep!”, “Legs over the bar”, “Hands up!”.

Moments before the actual jump, my heart was pumping so hard, I felt almost suffocated. There was a roar in my ears and then… a feeling of calm, going through instructions or scenarios in my head and I jumped, my mind finally free of worries. That’s just how I roll.

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