Treading

30 Oct

A few years ago… actually, not so few. Let me start again.

More than a decade ago, I received the only “incomplete” in my college transcript. It was for swimming, which was a required course for a Fisheries major like I was. Why was I taking Fisheries? That’s another story.

The instructor deemed me un-ready to face the deep blue sea probably because I learned breaststroke by asking a friend to show me how the hands and legs are supposed to work – out of the water, even though we lived about 10 minutes away from the beach.

So, on the day of the practical exam, I blundered my way through several laps, spreading my arms wide and closing them in a semblance of a breaststroke. As for treading, I tried to learn. I really did. But 15 minutes of treading was a little too much. I’m just not a water person.

A month and a half into the MBA, I can’t say that I’m not an MBA person but I can certainly say that I just don’t do “confident.” No matter that I have practically been training for an MBA for the past 2 years – D. seldom accepting anything less than a structured and rational thought from me. And there’s that starting (and trying to start) a business in 2 countries – one could say I’m ready for this.

And yet, I feel like I’m treading just above the waterline. As hard as I study, I still feel like I’m behind. I feel like I should be absorbing more and also doing more. I broke down a couple of days before my Econ midterms because I was so worried that I don’t understand anything. I was in the median score so I might have been a little too dramatic.

So now, I feel sort of guilty that I’m relieved because:

  • my accounting professor had to cancel classes last week because of a knee problem; and
  • my classes tomorrow, i.e. my managerial economics homework, is postponed because of Hurricane Sandy.

Because, really these two events are allowing me to catch up. And hey, I even get to write a blog post.

I should probably call my mom, too. And sleep. And read more on economics, and accounting, and update my resume… the list goes on and on. So, yeah, I’m relieved. On one hand, my professor seems to be recovering fine but fingers crossed on the hurricane leaving us all relatively unscathed.

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3 Responses to “Treading”

  1. Suzanne October 30, 2012 at 2:27 pm #

    …today the sun is back … you are perfect just the way you are…you have proven in the past that you can swim through bad weather…. you are a fighter and a winner…
    I am confident that your hard work will bring you success and pride…
    Very well expressed and written,
    S.

  2. Em March 22, 2013 at 12:06 am #

    I would say most of the MBAs who are confident are fooling themselves. Ever noticed how there seems to be a correlation between how confident one is in his own opinion and just how wrong he is?
    Many MBAs have forgotten (or never learned) the lesson my mom taught me from a very young age: it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.
    There’s definitely a sweet spot for confidence: you need to have some so that people will listen to you. If you’re always meek, nobody will listen, even if you’re almost always right. And if you’re too cocky, and happen to be wrong, you look like a jackass.
    A bit of self-doubt keeps us on our toes, open-minded, and willing to learn. I’m always behind of where I want to be in my studies… the important thing is to be ahead of most of the other people!

    • lgc-c April 2, 2013 at 12:24 pm #

      Thank you Em. I have given up on getting over my self-doubts because they do keep me honest and yes, willing to learn.

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