Love songs

6 Mar

Songs are written and sung for broken hearts, it is seldom about the more quotidian aspects of love.

I have always longed for the “ever” part of love. Without fully articulating it, to myself or to others, love for me has always meant a full commitment. Sure, I had relationships and had my heart broken. But looking back, I was more in the hurting part than the committing part.

I’m not saying that I reveled in the pain, rather that the pain, the despair, the hope for something more from the other person just seemed more significant in its depth. That’s where the romance lies, or so I thought.

I am not alone in feeling this way. Aren’t we all masochistic in some way? Not really, just like any adrenaline junkie, we just like the “romance” of it.

After all, how do you sing songs and write poems for waking up next to the same person every day. You can sing about how great it could be to appeal to those hoping for something more, but it’s hard to sing about doing it everyday for 50 years.

Marriage then does not fit this description of romance. It is a commitment. A commitment that requires everything that a person has including the part that suspends the need for some excitement.

In the past few days, I’ve grappled with the idea that there’s too much “us” and not enough “me.” I’ve cried and D. was understanding enough to cry with me and hold me. Through it all, one thing holds true: I love this man and he loves me. We complement each other and I really can’t think of any man I’ve met who could suit me better.

So, even as I continue to chafe against the constraints that marriage inevitably brings, I hold this love song in my heart and let it resonate within me. Because sometimes you do find someone like whoever it is that you’ve been longing for and then a different kind of love song begins.

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4 Responses to “Love songs”

  1. monica bistrain March 6, 2012 at 8:02 pm #

    i love this!! i think it’s ur best piece yet! so well written. 🙂 xoox
    im waiting for ur call with the news….. and keeping my fingers crossed

    • sussurus March 6, 2012 at 8:07 pm #

      Thanks Moni! As for the news, I don’t feel so confident anymore but it’s okay. I’m happy with what I got 🙂

  2. Handsome Lover of Words March 6, 2012 at 9:41 pm #

    It is true. There is not a whole lot of drama involved in everything going just the way you planned it. What kind of great poetry is that? It’s not the striking emotion I’m looking for.

    ps. good luck finding you

  3. cielo November 10, 2012 at 12:30 am #

    So deep; so candid; you’re so true to yourself! Love is an action word, a commitment, Love is more of giving, than taking. Difficult to describe – it’s so subjective! God created it and us to be that way! Thank God, He plans and decides the best for us! May you and D grow together in that true LOVE!

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