Chiaroscuro

26 Mar

Darkness and light – why do we always equate despair with darkness? I like the darkness in sleep. Yet as soon as I wake up, light is all I seek.

Not the kind of light that glares from a computer screen, like the kind that’s coming from D’s laptop (probably a good idea to put a name to my husband). We had an agreement about not working from bed but that has been largely ignored for awhile now.

I protested before but how many times can I do that before I qualify as a nag? I don’t want to be one of those so I stick to my silence again and quietly walk away from the bed even though my eyes are still a bit gritty from sleep. How I want to keep lolling in my dreamworld… the bed has always been my habitat but not lately.

It’s becoming polluted with work, with the sound of the keyboard clicking away, with the excruciating  unsaid words and with past late night tears.

So here I am, in our living room, clicking away, trying to make sense of it all. And at 8 AM, the light is still too weak,  still edged with darkness, stymied by a wall of concrete and the despair in my heart.

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